This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across a salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold, it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared. This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.|
"Genie, I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates," says the guy. The genie wasn't sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp he learned that Bill Gates was indeed the richest man in the world.
"Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish?"
"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on-board GPS, and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."
"That's easy, Guy," says the genie. He waves his hand, and best car anybody has ever seen pops out of the lamp. The genie then asks the guy for his third wish. The guy mulls the problem over and over. The guy just can't decide what to wish for.
"Genie," the guy says, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later?"
"Gee, guy, this is most unusual. But you hold the hammer -- I can't escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when you're ready."
And whoosh, the genie disappears into the lamp. The guy carefully picks up the now-ever-so-valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche. He turns the radio on to balance the sounds, and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears. After that, he pulls off the beach and heads south along the Pacific Coast Highway. Soon he's doing 60, then 70, then 80. The Porsche handles perfectly. The guy is so happy that he begins to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio. "Oh, I wish I were an Oscar-Meyer Wiener ....."
A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone's attention. "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?"
"What's he look like?", asks one shoddy-looking cowboy.
"Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket."
"So what's he wanted for?" asks the same cowboy.
A girl in tears came running to her father.
"What's the matter?" asked the father.
"You gave me some bad financial advise," she said.
"I did? What did I tell you?"
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about, that's one of the largest banks in the world," he said, "surely there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," said the girl, "they just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'No Funds'."
My friend called me to tell me his father had died. After the funeral Andy and I spent some time talking about his dad and the good times. His father had a wonderful sense of humor. We talked about his dad for hours.
As a good friend, Andy asked me to go with him to the lawyers office for the reading of the will. The reading was held in a large conference room that was crowded with relatives. The lawyer gathered up some papers and started to read. A deafening silence fell over the room as he read "...being of sound mind and body, I spent every last cent!".
Why didn't she tell him?
A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?"
One day, Little Johnny visited a doctor for a vaccination. After the doctor gave him an injection, he tried to bandage Little Johnny's arm.