Jokes

Good luck

A guy is strolling down the street in London when he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie.

The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the guy replies, I've always wanted to be lucky."

The genie grants his wish. So off the bloke strolls, wondering how this will change his life, when he spies 10 quid on the footpath. Not a bad start he thinks. As he picks it up, he notices a Ladbrokes betting shop across the road. He strolls over, looks through the racing lists, and sees a horse named Lucky Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at Ascot. He puts the 10 quid on the nose, and what do you know, the horse bolts in.

Feeling on a bit of a roll, he heads to the local illegal casino, fronts up at the roulette table and puts the whole 1010 quid on "Lucky seven." Round and round the wheel spins, and "bang!" on Lucky Seven.

Now he's really flying... what better way to celebrate than to head to the local brothel for a bit of horizontal folk dancing. He knocks and enters, when all of a sudden he is showered with streamers and handed a glass of champagne. The madam of the establishment puts her arm around him and says, "Welcome sir! We have much pleasure in informing you that you are our lucky 1000th customer, and you have won the right to enjoy the pleasures on offer from any girl who works here, absolutely free of charge."

The bloke says that he's always fancied making it with an Indian girl... so he's ushered into one of the rooms. In strolls the most gorgeous sub-continental he has ever seen. Not much time passes before clothing is strewn around the room and the Karma Sutra (pp 101 to 532) is being well and truly tested.

At one point the guy pauses and says to the girl, "You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe how lucky I am. But there is one thing I don't really like about Indian women. I don't like that red spot that you all have on your forehead."

The Indian girl looks him in the eye and says, "Sir, I am here to please you and succumb to your every desire. If you wish to see it gone, then please scratch off my caste mark."

So the bloke goes at it with his fingernail. All of a sudden he leans back and starts laughing.

"What's wrong, what's wrong?" asks the Indian girl.

To which the bloke replies, "You're never going to believe this, but I've just won a car!"

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If you are schizophrenic and fall in love, can you be arrested for polygamy?

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Famous Quotes

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
....Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show

"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
....Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Zsa Zsa Gabor has been married so many times she has rice marks on her face."
....Henny Youngman

"I always wanted to be somebody but I should have been more specific."
....Lily Tomlin

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
....Lee Iacocca

"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
....Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel

"The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it."
....Jackie Gleason

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the heck she is."
....Ellen DeGeneres

"Have you ever noticed....anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
....George Carlin

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
....A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
....Spencer Silver on work that led to 3-M 'Post-It' Notepads.

And the best one of all...

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."

.....Bill Gates, president and co-founder of Microsoft, 1981

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[Etusivu] [Jokes]

Päivitetty 19.10.2018 09:50
www.Jahuu.fi 2018