Jokes

The Reverend's Wife Tells About Her Day

The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed.

I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of propel who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me starting to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because pretty soon, he leaned out and yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game with his shouting, "Go Jesus Christ, go!!"

Everyone else started honking, too; so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach; and I saw him waving a funny way with only his middle finger stuck in the air. I asked my kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

Several cars behind, a very nice black man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well but it sounded like, "Mother trucker" or "Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida too. He must really love the Lord. A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me. I bet they wanted to prey, but just then I noticed that the light had changed, and I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

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This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it.

Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when actually Nobody asked Anybody.

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Q: Why did the Redneck want to move to L.A.?
A: It's easier to spell.

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Random Funny Facts

  • Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy.

  • Dr. Seuss and Kurt Vonnegut went to college together. They were even in the same fraternity, where Seuss decorated the fraternity house walls with drawings of his strange characters.

  • The Les Nessman character on the TV series WKRP in Cincinnati wore a band-aid in every episode. Either on himself, his glasses, or his clothing.

  • John Larroquette of "Night Court" and "The John Larroquette Show" was the narrator of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

  • Beelzebub, another name for the devil, is Hebrew for "Lord of the Flies", and this is where the book's title comes from.

  • The term "devil's advocate" comes from the Roman Catholic church. When deciding if someone should be sainted, a devil's advocate is always appointed to give an alternative view.

  • Before Prohibition, Shlitz Brewery owned more property in Chicago than anyone else, except The Catholic Church.

  • It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is 'shake' and the 46th word from the last word is 'spear'.

  • In 1986 Danny Heep became the first player in a World Series to be a designated hitter (DH) with the initials "D.H."

  • In the four major US professional sports, (Baseball, Basketball, Football, and Hockey), there are only seven teams whose nicknames do not end with an "S:" Basketball: The Miami Heat, The Utah Jazz, The Orlando Magic. Baseball: The Boston Red Sox, The Chicago White Sox. Hockey: The Colorado valanche, The Tampa Bay Lightning. Football: None.

  • In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run." On July 20, 1969, a few hours after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first, and only, home run.

  • When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home to a sellout crowd, the full stadium becomes the state's third largest city.

  • Kermit the Frog is left-handed.

  • The lifespan of a tastebud is ten days.

  • Non-dairy creamer is flammable.

  • The dial tone of a normal telephone is in the key of "F".

  • If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.

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A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."
The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

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Päivitetty 19.10.2018 09:50
www.Jahuu.fi 2018