The Job Interview
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.|
The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burly young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.
He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"
"Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."
"That's very good ... excellent. Your hired!"
"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called."
Jim answered" I don't care ...Yim ... or Mr. Yonson."
The doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news for you, which would you like to hear first?"
The patient asks for the bad news first.
"I have the results of your examination of your injuries to both your feet and we're going to have to amputate right away."
"That's the bad news? what could the good news be?"
"See that man in the lobby?"
"Yeah," says the patient, "What about him?"
The doctor looks at the patient with a grin, "He wants to buy your shoes!"
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
In a country home that seldom had guests, the young son was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, the boy went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest. The boy came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for the boy, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
Church Bulletin Typos 1
These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service:
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water". The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.