Brake Fluid

One day this mechanic was working late under a car and some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting, he thought.

Next day he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid. "Not bad," he said. "Think I'll have a little more today." His friend got a little concerned but didn't say anything.

Next day he told about drinking a cup full of the brake fluid. Great stuff! Think I'll have some more today. And so he did.

A few days later he was up to a bottle a day, and told his friend that brake fluid is really great stuff. His friend was now really worried. "You know that brake fluid is poison and really bad for you. You better stop drinking that."

"Hey, no problem," he said, ... "I can stop any time."

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World War III. The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat?

The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES.

The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT?

Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.

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Love: When you take a bubble bath together
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-O together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath

Love: A romantic candlelight dinner for two
Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?"
Marriage: 4 Happy Meals . . . to go

Love: Giving your love some candy
Lust: Thinking you are the candy
Marriage: Scraping candy off of the carpet
Love: A night out at the Symphony
Lust: A night out at the Ramada Inn
Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice

Love: Aroma-French perfume
Lust: Aroma-Brut aftershave
Marriage: Aroma-"The baby needs changing. . ."

Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold
Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ."
Marriage: Your teenager just took your jacket

Love: Talking and cuddling
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . .

Love: Finding the "Fell in Love on AOL" chat-room
Lust: Finding the "Blonde Dominatrix" chat-room
Marriage: Finding the "Married and Looking" chat-room

Love: Long drives through the countryside
Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout
Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the back-seat

Love: Sex every night
Lust: Sex 5 times a night
Marriage: Sex ???

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I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, "You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?"
- Larry Miller

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Church Bulletin Typos 2

Don't let worry kill you off --let the Church help.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott in June 1849. Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was not shot. But Shott says that he shot Nott. It may be that the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or it may be possible that the shot Shott shot, shot Shott himself. We think, however, that the shot Shott shot, shot not Shott, but Nott. Anyway it is hard to tell which was shot and which was not.

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Some mornings I wake up grouchy...and some mornings I just let her sleep!

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[Etusivu] [Jokes]

Päivitetty 19.10.2018 09:54 2023