An elderly gentleman waiting with us turned and said sadly, "Two thousand years he's waiting for the Messiah, and he can't wait for a light."

Used Car Buyers Guide: The Reality

MUST SELL
..before it blows up.

RUNS FINE
..I was going to say "runs excellent" but I had a last-minute conscience attack.

NEEDS SOME BODY WORK
..was blindsided by a Winnebago.

WELL-MAINTAINED
..I changed the oil occasionally.

LOOKS LIKE NEW
..just don't try to drive it anywhere.

ALL ORIGINAL
..I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.

LOADED WITH OPTIONS
..each one more troublesome than the next.

NEVER SMOKED IN
..unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it.

PROJECT CAR
..doesn't run.

LOTS OF POTENTIAL
..doesn't run.

NEEDS MINOR REPAIR
..doesn't run.

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" asked the defendant.

"Oh no!" said the lawyer. "This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked."

"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them," said the lawyer.

"But I did send them," said the defendant.

"What?? You did?"

"Yes, That's how we won the case."

"I don't understand," said the lawyer.

"It's easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card..."

Mrs. Berkowitz, shopping in the supermarket, went from counter to counter humming and singing to herself. "You seem to be very happy," remarked the clerk.

"I have every reason to be," replied the woman. "I've got a beautiful home, two lovely children, a nice bank account, my husband's life is insured for $450,000 and his health is far from robust."

Church Bulletin Typos 4

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what would you say if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"