It took the Department of Motor Vehicles 6 months to figure out and revoke this personalized license plate: 3M TA3|
Can you tell why?
(see answer below)
Because it reads EAT ME in a rear view mirror.
The Jew and The Pope
After having waited for an audience for quite a while, a Jew is finally allowed to see the Pope.
"Is it not true that you are the Messenger of God on Earth?" asks the Jew.
"Yes it is, my son. How can I help you?" says the Pope.
"Well you know, I own a little restaurant back in Jerusalem. I have inherited it from my father, who had it from his father, and so and so on.
"So the other day I was going through my balance, when I noticed something was not right."
"Yes, my son? What was it?" asks the Pope.
"Well, I have an unpaid bill for thirteen persons dated year 1, A.D."
Hung Over In Church
A man sobering up from the night before was sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nodded off.
The priest had been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and was disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decided to make an example of him.
He said to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand."
The whole room stood except, of course, the sleeping man.
Then the preacher said even more loudly, "And he who would like to find a place in hell please STAND UP!"
The weary man caught only the last part groggily stood up, only to find that he was the only one standing.
Confused and embarrassed he said, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing up for it!"
A lady and her dog were enjoying a stroll in the park when her dog was mounted from behind by a large Rottweiler. The Rot was really humping away and the lady was frantically trying to break them up, to no avail.
A small boy walked up and stuck his finger in the Rots ass and the action immediately stopped.
The lady was amazed. "How did you do that?" she asked.
The little boy said, "That's my dog; and he can dish it out, but he can't take it."
Actual Letters Sent to Landlords...
"The man next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."
"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."
"I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
"This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."
"The toilet seat is cracked: Where do I stand?"
"I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from wall."
"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."
"Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."
"Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it."
"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink."
"Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight right away."
"Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us."
"I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much."
"When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."