A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.'|
He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."
The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?"
Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."
Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"
Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."
"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"
Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."
My Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. I asked him what happened.
"You know what a foreman is?" he asked.
"Yes, the one who stands around and watches the other men work, but what's that got to do with it?", I asked.
"Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained.
Then I asked, "Why was he jealous of you?"
He said, "Because everyone thought I was the foreman."
Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they'll have?
The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) "I'll have a glass of O Positive."
The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of AB Negative."
The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver. I'll just have a glass of plasma."
The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells, "Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!"
The mistress of an English Tudor country house had just hired a new house maid, an Irish lass, straight from a farm.
The first day she was dusting in the Smoking Room where the Master of the house sat reading. On the mantel, she saw a small bowl containing a couple of round white balls. She, being curious and not bashful, asked, "What are these?"
He looked up, saw where she was pointing, and answered, "Golf balls."
She said, "Oh!" and went on dusting.
A few days later, she was dusting again in the same room, where the master was again reading. Again, in the same bowl were white balls, only now there were four. She said, "I see you shot another Golf."
Some GENERAL Questions
1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?
2). What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
3). What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
4). What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?
5). Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?
6). What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?
7). What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
8). What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?
9). What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
[Scroll Down For Answers]
3. (a twenty dollar bill)
5. (bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt)
7. (Almond Joy candy bar)
9. (last name)