DOCTORS NOTES ON PATIENTS CHARTS
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.|
On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She is numb from her toes down.
While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The skin was moist and dry.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
"Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.
"What is your name, please?"
"Watt's my name."
"That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
"That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"
"No, this is Knott."
"Please tell me your name."
Whereupon they both hung up.
Jesus, Joseph, and Mary were doing chores around their home in Nazareth when suddenly, Jesus ran outside to Joseph, and asked, "Did you call me?"
"No, I'm sorry," Joseph replied, "I just hit my thumb with the hammer, again."
There's been a burglary down at police headquarters. All the toilet seats were stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
An Army private filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course was stymied by the question, "How long has your present employer been in business?"
He thought for a moment, then wrote, "Since 1776."
A man goes into a bar very thirsty. He sits down waiting for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo."
The bartender gives him a tall ice cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink he says "I'll have a waterloo, too." The bartender gives him a tall ice cold drink.
He takes a big drink and says "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!"
The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water...right, Lou?