The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing."

"Save your time, Doctor," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now."

A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken, which he could purchase for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it has been broken in transit.

In due time, he received an acknowledgement. "Thanks for the vase," it read. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."

A stewardess was getting very annoyed by 3 little children on the plane. They had been bugging her since take-off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom and whatever else you could imagine a small child commenting and complaining about.

Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them to go play outside.

Q: Did you hear what happened to the Swedish skydiver?
A: He missed the Earth!

One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn. A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!"

To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"

Cowboy's last wish

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse."

The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the back. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."

The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again."

The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the back. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.

The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."

The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again."

The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"

A boaj was complaining to his friend about how he was constantly being teased about how dumb he was. So his friend tells him "why don't you go to something to prove everyone wrong? Learn all 50 state capitals or something."

The boaj thinks this is a great idea so he locks himself up in a room for 2 weeks to study.

The next weekend he was at a party and someone was teasing him about how dumb boajes are. Ceasing the opportunity, the boaj said "I am not dumb! I can name the capitals of all 50 states."

So the other person says "ok smarty, what's the capital of Wyoming?"

The boaj was very excited because he knew the answer! "I know this, I know this! The capital of Wyoming is W!"

New Ranchers

A New York family bought a ranch out west where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name.

"Well," said the would-be-cattleman, "I wanted to call it the Bar-J, my wife favored the Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y."

"Wow! That's quite a mouthful! So, where are all your cattle?"

"So far, none have survived the branding."