To Da bar
This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out into town and party,
so he says to his new wife: Honey, I'll be right back...|
"Where are you going coochi cooh...?" Asks the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife puts her hands on her hips and says to him:
"You want a beer my love...?" Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc....
The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is: "Yes, loolie loolie ... but the bar .... you know ... the frozen glass."
He didn't get to finish saying the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying: "You want a frozen glass puppy face...?" She takes out of the freezer a huge beer mug so frozen that the wife was getting the chills from holding it.
The husband looking a bit pale says:
"Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hoer's de devours that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hoer's de devours poochi pooh..?" She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hoer's de devours ... chicken wings, pigs in the blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc...
"But sweet honey ... at the bar ... you know ... the swearing, the dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words cutie pie...?"
"HERE, DRINK YOUR F***ING BEER IN YOUR F***ING FROZEN GLASS AND EAT YOUR F***ING SH*T HOER'S DE VOURS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE. YOU F***ING AS***LE!!!..."
A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"
Several men stood up as the lights came on. An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her.
"Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a good, Jewish girl?"
Top 10 ways to torment a telemarketer
10. When they ask "How are you today?"
9. If they say they're John doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my gosh! Judy, how have you been?"
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends.....would you be my friend?"
6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.
4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?"
2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
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