Jokes

Golf

Sitting at the bar in the clubhouse I told Dan that that was the last time I was ever going to play golf with Richard. I went on to explain that he had lost his ball and found it two feet from the cup.

"Well, Jimmy, be fair now." Dan replied. "While that is unlikely, it's at least possible."

"No it wasn't !" I maintained. "I had the ball in my pocket."

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Definitions of a Bachelor

One who avoids Bride-Eyed women.
One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness of Pursuit.
One who believes in Wine, Women and So-Long.
One who believes that one can live as cheaply as two.
One who can forget his mistakes.
One who can get into bed from either side.
One who can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.
One who can have a girl on his knee without having her on his hands.
One who can leave his socks and wallet lying around the house.
One who can tell his symptoms to his Doctor without having his wife interrupt.
One who can't be Spouse-Broken.
One who can't stand the strain of a wife.
One who cheated some woman out of a divorce.
One who doesn't have to leave the party when he starts having a good time.
One who failed to embrace his opportunities
One who is a free male.
One who is allergic to Wedding cakes.
One who is Foot-Loose and Family-Free.
One who is known as a Dame Dropper.
One who is not missing anything in life except a few buttons on his shirt.
One who knows all the ankles.
One who knows how to hold a woman's hand so that she doesn't get a grip on him.
One who knows if he has a steady girl on the string he may wind up on a leash.
One who knows more about Women than Men. That's why he is a Bachelor.
One who leans toward a woman but not far enough to fall.
One who likes his Girl Friend just the way she is...Single!!!!
One who looks, but does not leap.
One who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.
One who never knows whom the next kiss is coming from.
One who never makes the same mistake once.
One who never met a girl he couldn't live without.
One who never Mrs. Anything.
One who never says, "I'll Give You A Ring Tomorrow!"
One who plays the game of love and manages to retain his amateur outstanding.
One who prefers ripe tomatoes with little dressing.
One who thinks he is a thing of Beauty and a Boy forever.
One who travels fastest in a parked car.
One who tries to avoid the issue.
One who usually has his hands full trying to loosen a woman's grip.
One who wakes up in the morning with all of the blankets.
One who washes only one set of dishes.
One who when a girl asks him for a Diamond Ring, he turns Stone-Deaf.
One who when he opens the window in his apartment, more dust blows out than in.
One who won't take `Yes' for an answer.
One who would rather change girls than change their names.
One who would rather cook his own goose.
One who would rather have a woman on his mind than on his neck.
One who would rather mend his socks than his ways.

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In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it --

"THINK!"

The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read --

"THOAP!"

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A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands, and the fire crawled up her arm. Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked and took off running down the street.
A police car was at the intersection where it happened, and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise.
The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.
When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."

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Cowboy: "Well, I suppose you've been alright. You've been a decent horse, I guess. A bit slow sometimes, but a decent horse, and..."

Horse: "No, you stupid idiot,... I didn't ask you for FEEDBACK! I said that I wanted my FEEDBAG!"

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Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.

Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?

Patient: I sure did. The bottle said "keep tightly closed."

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[Etusivu] [Jokes]

Päivitetty 19.10.2018 10:00
www.Jahuu.fi 2018