Sending Telegrams: WHY you should be careful
* A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as "Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."|
* A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife, "I wish you were her."
* A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
* And the most famous of them all...
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?"
The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom.
The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake "You are not getting older at the top You are getting better at the bottom"
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
"It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner. Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make."
"And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes.
"Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!"
The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?"
"I'm marrying a Russet!"
"A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"
As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother, I too, have an announcement."
"And what might that be?" asked Mother Potato.
Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, "I, too, am getting married!"
"You, too!" Mother Potato said with joy. "That's wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?"
"I'm marrying an Idaho," beamed the middle daughter.
"An Idaho!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"
Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. "Mother? Mother Potato?
Umm, I, too, have an announcement to make."
"Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation.
"Well," began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!"
"Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. "All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying,
"I'm marrying Dan Rather!"
Mother Potato scowled suddenly. "But he's just a common tater!"
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
A man wanted to buy a parrot, so he goes to the pet shop and inquires about their stock. The attendant shows him a parrot which is quite exceptional in that it speaks any language you want. Intrigued by this, the man decides to test the bird by asking it a few questions:
M: "Do you speak English?"
After all his options were exhausted, the man thought for a while, then asked the parrot, "Do you speak Yiddish?"
The parrot shrugs its shoulders and says: "Nu? Mit a nose like dis, vot you tink?"