A blonde woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant and never have. The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady that she has been buying the stuff from there on a regular basis and would like some more.|
The shop assistant thinks for a moment, knowing full well that they don't stock, or have ever sold, such an item. She smiles at the blonde and says, "one moment please, I will get the pharmacist."
The pharmacist looks at the blonde and says, "Can I help you miss?"
"I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please," says the blonde.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud (from the container), "To apply, push up bottom!"
The Cold War Days
Many years ago, After a round of talks, Nixon and Brezhnev drink a little vodka and get into a discussion:
NIXON: I hear you have a lot of drunks in the Soviet Union.
BREZHNEV: Not so! That's capitalist propaganda!
NIXON: No, I'm sure of it. You have a lot of drunks!
BREZHNEV: Nonsense. I'll prove it. You can go out at any hour of the night tonight, and I'll give you a machine gun. If you see any drunk you can kill him!
NIXON: Ahhh! Very good... (Evil smile)
That night, at 1am, Nixon decides to go out. Brezhnev phones Andropov, who is head of the KGB, and tells him to get all the drunks off the street. So Nixon and Brezhnev go cruising around Moscow, Nixon carrying the machine gun in his lap. They drive for two hours - and not a single drunk. Nixon is in the throws of despair, and they are about to head back in, when he spots one lone drunk - staggering everywhere - who has escaped the dragnet. Nixon rolls down the window and blows the guy away.
Three months later, Brezhnev comes to the U.S., and after negotiating with Nixon, they have some Vodka again.
BREZHNEV: Dick, I hear you Americans are a bunch of drunks.
NIXON: Not true. We're hard working people.
BREZHNEV: That's not what I heard. I want the same deal I gave you, machine gun and all. At 1:00.
So Nixon calls the police and the FBI and tells them to get all the drunks off the road. The two of them go cruising around in a limo, Brezhnev with a machine gun on his lap. Three hours - absolutely nothing. Brezhnev was tired and says, "Okay, Dick, you win. I'm tired. Let's go home."
Suddenly, as they're heading back to the White House, they see a group of 11 people walking down the street, blitzed out of their minds. Elated, Brezhnev rolls down the window and blows them all away.
Headline next morning in the Washington Post:
FANATIC KILLS ENTIRE STAFF OF SOVIET EMBASSY!
Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was near the end of winter and spring was just beginning. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco.
She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab.
So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money. He said, "I vasn't goin' to send any money ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas..."
A man walks into a pub and, with the most sorry look on his face, pleads to the bartender; "Look, my wife has left me, I've been fired, I've just been mugged for all my money, and I'm desperate for a drink. Can you help me out??"
"Of course," said the bartender, "The door is behind you. Do you want to be pushed or carried?"
When white man found this land, Indians were running it.
Women did most of the work.
Medicine Man free!
Indian men hunted and fished all the time!
White man came and told the Indian, "We're going to make your life better."