YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA IF: |
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1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible. 2. You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house. 3. You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English. 4. Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze. 5. You can't remember...is pot illegal? 6. You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. 7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian. 8. You also know which Brentwood restaurant serves the freshest arugula. 9. A really great parking space can move you to tears. 10. A low speed pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast. 11. Gas costs 75 cents per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. 12. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice. 13. A woman gets on the bus with live poultry. You don't even notice. 14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbuck wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney. 15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. 16. The gym is packed at 3 PM....on a workday. 17. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S&M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag. 18. It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH 2000". 19. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class. 20. Your paperboy has a two-picture deal. 21. The three-hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific nine-car Freeway pileup, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe lying on the shoulder. 22. The weatherman talks about the weather in other parts of the country, as if we really care. 23. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers. 24. It's sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour or two early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. 25. You AND your dog have therapists.
The old perfesser, a cunning frenchy linguist, was staying in a hotel in Edmonton. He phoned room service for some pepper.
George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses." The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling. George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses". The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses". The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am". George W. asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert".
There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both came from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?" In seconds, he chooses Paul.
E-mail from God....
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