GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE....WHO CARES?

NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES

I HATE EVERYBODY, AND YOU'RE NEXT

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME KILL YOU

AND YOUR POINT IS?

I'M BUSY. YOU'RE UGLY. HAVE A NICE DAY

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT

REMEMBER MY NAME...YOU'LL BE SCREAMING IT LATER

YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME <~~ HEEHEE

DON'T WORRY. IT'LL ONLY SEEM KINKY THE FIRST TIME.......

WHY DO PEOPLE WITH CLOSED MINDS ALWAYS OPEN THEIR MOUTHS?

I'M MULTI-TALENTED: I CAN TALK AND PISS YOU OFF AT THE SAME TIME

YOU, ME, WHIPPED CREAM, HANDCUFFS.

ANY QUESTIONS?

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP

ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE

I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE

HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?

SORRY IF I LOOKED INTERESTED. I'M NOT.

IF WE ARE WHAT WE EAT, I'M FAST, CHEAP AND EASY

NOBODY KNOWS I'M NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR

The Art Museum

A young couple Wilier and Kay, were exploring the exhibits at the new Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles one Sunday afternoon, when they came upon the museum's famous collection of Eighteenth-Century French Impressionist Art.

Suddenly Wilbur, unfamiliar as he was with the fine points of the period, came across a well-known painting which he mistakenly thought

was an example of pointillism. He immediately called his wife over and naively exclaimed, ... "Kay, Seurat! Seurat!"

She took one bored look at the painting and replied, ... "Whatever, Wilby, Wilby."

Blundered Classifieds

For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.

A West Virginia State trooper pulls over a pick-up on I-79. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says, "Bout what?"

A Polish lad married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."

The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: Have you any grounds?
POLE: Ja, Ja, un acre und half.
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?
POLE: No, I always up before her.
LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?
POLE: No, she white.
LAWYER: Why do you want this divorce?
POLE: She going to kill me.
LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I gut proof.
LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She bought bottle at drug stoore, und put on shelf in bathroom.
I cun read - it suz "Polish Remover."

THINGS MOMS WOULD NEVER SAY

"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"

"Just leave all the lights on...it makes the house look more cheery"

"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"

"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"

"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."

"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."

"I don't have a tissue with me...just use your sleeve"

"Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"