It's A Wacky World |
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SAN ANTONIO (APBnews.com) -- A heroin addict on probation for burglary tried to pull a fast one on officers by using a fake penis to provide urine for a drug test, authorities said today. Micah Sheehan, 37, was caught using the sexual device during one of his mandatory twice-weekly urine tests two weeks ago, said Bexar County Probation Director Caesar Garcia. "I've been around for 30 years, and I've never seen anything like this," Garcia told APBnews.com. 'Many telltale signs' A probation department technician who was watching Sheehan provide the urine sample realized something was wrong because the bleached-pink fake penis was a different color than Sheehan's skin, Garcia said. Also, the urine was discharging from all different angles like water shooting from a sprinkler, he said. "There were too many telltale signs," Garcia said. "He had this 8-inch penis in his hand squeezing urine out of it. He fumbled with it, and it fell out of his shorts, and he caught it before it hit the ground." The urine, which was not Sheehan's, was cold because it had been in a refrigerator, Garcia said. Faces return to prison (Doesn't somebody do this in Olympics too?)
Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The other replies that he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling. The tall tree says "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
Oxymororns #2
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