It's A Wacky World

SAN ANTONIO ( -- A heroin addict on probation for burglary tried to pull a fast one on officers by using a fake penis to provide urine for a drug test, authorities said today.

Micah Sheehan, 37, was caught using the sexual device during one of his mandatory twice-weekly urine tests two weeks ago, said Bexar County Probation Director Caesar Garcia.

"I've been around for 30 years, and I've never seen anything like this," Garcia told

'Many telltale signs'

A probation department technician who was watching Sheehan provide the urine sample realized something was wrong because the bleached-pink fake penis was a different color than Sheehan's skin, Garcia said.

Also, the urine was discharging from all different angles like water shooting from a sprinkler, he said.

"There were too many telltale signs," Garcia said. "He had this 8-inch penis in his hand squeezing urine out of it. He fumbled with it, and it fell out of his shorts, and he caught it before it hit the ground."

The urine, which was not Sheehan's, was cold because it had been in a refrigerator, Garcia said.

Faces return to prison

(Doesn't somebody do this in Olympics too?)

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Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The other replies that he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling. The tall tree says "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

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Oxymororns #2

50. Chicken fajitas
49. Government assistance
48. Net security
47. Jump start
46. Film critic
45. Marriage councilor
44. Sex education
43. Golf fashion
42. Sleeper hit
41. Word Perfect
40. Artificial intelligence
39. Religious Right
38. Post Modern
37. German food
36. Bug fix
35. Near miss
34. Republican Party
33. Legal ethics
32. Postal service
31. Jumbo shrimp
30. Bureaucratic efficiencies
29. Half naked
28. Freezer burn
27. Old news
26. White chocolate
25. Working vacation
24. Loose tights
23. Original copy
22. Recorded live (version of #20. Taped live)
21. Dull roar
20. Plastic silverware
19. Fresh frozen
18. Service station
17. Common courtesy
16. Foolproof instructions
15. Moral Majority
14. Deficit spending
13. Social Security
12. Half full
11. Exxon cleanup
10. Compassionate management
9. Truthful tabloids
8. Reagan memoirs
7. Holy war
6. Clean coal
5. Friendly fire
4. Professional wrestling
3. Soviet Union
2. Job security
1. Country music

35 More

35. State worker
34. Legally drunk
33. Exact estimate
32. Act naturally
31. Found missing
30. Resident alien
29. Genuine imitation
28. Airline Food
27. Good grief
26. Government organization
25. Sanitary landfill
24. Alone together
23. Small crowd
22. Business ethics
21. Soft rock
20. **** Head
19. Military Intelligence
18. Sweet sorrow
17. Rural Metro (the ambulance service)
16. "Now, then ..."
15. Passive aggression
14. Clearly misunderstood
13. Peace force
12. Extinct Life
11. Plastic glasses
10. Terribly pleased
9. Computer security
8. Political science
7. Tight slacks
6. Definite maybe
5. Pretty ugly
4. Rap music
3. Working vacation
2. Religious tolerance

And the number one top Oxymoron....

1. Microsoft Works

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[Etusivu] [Jokes]

Päivitetty 19.10.2018 10:05 2023