A lawyer enters a bank as a robber is making his getaway. Noticing that the customers have their faces buried in the floor, and the tellers have their hands in the air, the lawyer asks what's going on. As the bank manager dials the police department he shouts, "That man just walked out of here with a million dollars!"|
"A million dollars! Why didn't you say something?" the lawyer says in shock. "I would have given him my card."
Hilary Clinton goes to a new doctor for an examination, and he discovers that she has crabs. He thinks to himself 'How am I going to her that she has crabs?'
After the exam he tells her to get dressed and meet him back in his office. Once there he proceeds to tell her that she has a very unusual condition. She is quite concerned and asks him what it is. He responds that she is suffering from Nixon's Disease.
She says, "What?"
He again responds, "Nixon's Disease."
She says, "Level with me, Doc, what does it mean?"
He responds, "Well Mrs Clinton, to put it very bluntly, . . . you've got bugs in your oval office."
Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
* 3 have been arrested for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are current defendants in lawsuits
* In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving
Can you guess which organization this is?
Scroll down for the answer.
It's the 535 members of your United States Congress. The same group that perpetually cranks out hundreds upon hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line.
An Awful Time
"I've just had the most awful time", said the boy to his friends.
"First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave my hypodermics, and, to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy".
"Wow! How did you pull through ?", asked his friends.
"I dont know," the boy replied... continuing, "it was the toughest Spelling Test I ever had!"
The principal of a local town's middle school was having problems with the condition of the girls' bathroom. The girls were leaving lipstick kisses all over the bathroom mirrors. Warnings to cease this activity were announced daily over the loudspeaker to no avail. One day the principal gathered all of the suspected girls in the bathroom and introduced them to the janitor, Mr. Jones. Asking them again to stop this activity. He emphasized how hard it was for Mr. Jones to clean the mess, and then asked Mr. Jones to demonstrate how hard it was to clean the lipstick off of the mirror. Mr. Jones stepped forward, withdrew a long handled brush dipped it into the toilet bowl and proceeded to clean the mirrors. The principal is happy to announce that there are no more problems with lipstick on the mirrors.
"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when a college boy delivered his pizza.
"Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great."
"That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," the student said, "I'll put it in my college fund."
"By the way, what are you studying?"