Jokes

Doctor

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "in fact, there are three doctors there already!"

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You Know You Need A New Lawyer When:

- The prosecutor sees your lawyer inthe hall, and they high-five each other.

- During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

- He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."

- He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

- During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.

- Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack

Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

- He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

- Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

- Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."

- He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

- He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.

- He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said..."

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But I'm Not...

"I was in the hospital," Thelma writes, "and my husband was visiting. He was trying to stop smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he got on the elevator. A lady said to him, 'Sir, there's no smoking in here.'

"My husband said, 'I'm not smoking.'"

'But you have a cigar in your mouth,' the lady said.

" 'Lady, ' my husband answered, 'I've got on Jockey shorts, too, but I'm not riding a horse.' "

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Tom Fogerty has died.

He wakes up and finds himself on a stage on which a number of instruments are set up. A door offstage opens and in walk Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones, John Lennon, Otis Redding, and Buddy Holly.

Each musician picks up his favorite instrument and begins tuning up. All of the instruments are taken but, to Tom's immense pleasure, the drums.

He walks up to Jimi and says, "Man, so this is what heaven is like."

Jimi looks at him and says, "Heaven? You think this is heaven?"

At that moment, Karen Carpenter walks in, takes her seat behind the drums, and calls out, "Okay guys, 'Close to You'. One, two, three, four..."

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A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited.

Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

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[Etusivu] [Jokes]

Päivitetty 19.10.2018 10:08
www.Jahuu.fi 2018