Vulcan Humor |
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Kirk: Ah... hello Mister Spock. Spock: Good day, Captain. Kirk: Are you an avid baseball fan? Spock: Baseball is a tactical game played on a geometric pattern of 4 sides with a spherical object. The purpose is to knock the 'shit out of' the object amidst loud verbalizations of 'Hurrah' and 'Kock 'em on their ass.' Is this correct? Kirk: Indeed. We are in the process of learning about one of the baseball teams from old Earth. Spock: Oh? I am quite versed with old Earth history... perhaps I may be of assistance. Kirk: That's the idea. Spock: Very well... proceed. Kirk: Alright... Who's on first. Spock: I am unable to determine who is on first without proper information concerning the team and year, sir. Kirk: So? Spock: Perhaps we could start with who the team is, and I can test the accuracy. Kirk: No... Who's on first. Spock: I do not know. Kirk: No... he's third base. Spock: Who is? Kirk: No... he's first base. Spock: Who is? Kirk: Correct. Spock: Who is correct? Kirk: Sometimes. Spock: Who is sometimes? Kirk: No... Who is first baseman. I'm not familiar with Sometimes' identity. Spock: Whose identity? Kirk: No... him I know... he's first baseman. Spock: Who is? Kirk: Right. Spock: Perhaps we can discuss the identity of the second baseman. Kirk: What. Spock: I said the second baseman. Kirk: What. Spock: This is highly illogical. You have no apparent auditory disfunction, sir. Now, as I asked... who is the second baseman? Kirk: No... you didn't ask that, and Who is the first baseman. Spock: I am not familiar with that piece of information, sir. McCoy: Dammit, Spock! You messed up the whole setup there! Spock: Forgive me Doctor... I am not a comedian. McCoy: Obviously. Spock: That much is certain. McCoy: Just get back to the skit. Spock: Very well. Captain... I ask you... politely... who is the second baseman? Kirk: No... Who is the first baseman. What is the second baseman. Spock: That is incorrect, Captain. The second baseman is obviously a sentient being, and therefore should be referred to as who, and not what. 'Who is the second baseman,' not 'what is the second baseman.' Kirk: Wrong, Spock. Who is the first baseman, and What is the second baseman. Spock: That statement is most illogical. Kirk: Okay... wait a minute. We'll get Scotty... he's Scottish...he must love baseball. Oh Mister Scott... Scott:: Aye, Cap'n? Kirk: Who is the first baseman of the team we were talking about. Scott:: Aye, Cap'n. It ain't never been any other way! Kirk: You see, Spock? Spock: Yes... Mister Scott seems to know the material well. Alright, Mister Scott... who is the second baseman? Scott:: Ach! No, Mister Spock! That be What you're talking about! Spock: I know that be what... er... is what I'm talking about. I am very intelligent, and rarely lose track of what I am talking about. Scott:: Ach! Don't bring track inta this! That be a bloomin' field event! Spock: What has this got to do with field events? Scott:: Ach! No! What's the second baseman! Spock: Again, I note that a person should be referred to as 'who' and not 'what' Mister Scott. Scott:: Only if he's tha first baseman, Mister Spock! Spock: What you are saying is most illogical. Scott:: Ach! No! What's a real bright fella! Spock: Who is a 'real bright fella' Mister Scott? Scott:: No! Who... now he's a real dope, sir! Spock: Who is? Scott:: Right! Spock: You are relieved, Mister Scott. Scott:: Aye, sir. Spock: Sir... this is most illogical, and I am no longer interested in learning who the second baseman is. I am also growing impatient. Kirk: No... Who's the first baseman. Spock: Very well sir. Good day, gentlemen, or whoever you are. [Spock leaves.] Kirk: Whoever! I forgot about him! Wait... I don't remember a Whoever on the team... MrsPerfesser told the marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded. "He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture!"
Little Johnny's teacher asked him how the weekend went. He told her, "Horribly, a car hit my dog in the ass." She corrected him replying, "rectum." Johnny said, "Wrecked him? Damn near killed him!!"
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