Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are content to watch others do. They are called "Speck Taters."|
Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do things. They're called "Comment Taters."
Some are always looking to cause problems and really get under your skin. They are called "Aggie Taters."
There are those who are always saying they will, but somehow, they never get around to doing. We call them "Hezzie Taters."
Some people put on a front and act like someone else. They're called "Emma Taters."
Finally, there are those who walk what they talk. They're always prepared to stop what they're doing to lend a hand to others and bring real sunshine into the lives of others. You can call them "Sweet Taters."
Things Not To Say On A First Date
1. "This is my apartment, but don't break anything, or you'll have to pay for it."
2. "Here, have a tic-tac. It's on me."
3. (To the waitress) "Could I have your phone number?"
4. "Before we go back to my place, you're not afraid of cockroaches, are you?"
5. "I really had a good time tonight, uh, um, what the hell was your name again?"
6. "Hey, check out the babe sittin' in the corner. Wow, what a body!"
7. "What? Oh, I thought you were paying."
8. "Nice dress. I have one at home just like it."
9. "So my hand slipped, and the knife cut about half an inch into my thumb, and the blood was gushing all over the place, so I went to the emergency room to have it stitched up, but it kept throbbing, and swelling, and, oh, but I see you're eating."
10. "I want to move out, but my mom really needs me. And, who else is gonna make my lunch? And my bed? And clean my room?"
11. "No, I don't have a job. I spend all my time in the basement. I'm building a submarine, when I'm not playing with my inflatable doll."
12. (Looking at her plate) "Are you going to finish that?"
13. "The mother ship will be returning next June. Then I'll be leaving for Neptune. Hey, here's a thought. You should come with me!"
14. "My old girlfriend, Lisa, was so beautiful. She looked kind of like you. I used to bring her here all the time. Do you mind if I call you Lisa?"
Young Alice the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she called Paul, the computer guy, over to her desk. He clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Alice called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
And he replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
A puzzled expression ran riot over Alice's face. "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??"
He gave her a grin... ;-) ... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," replied Alice.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
I D 1 0 T
TEN BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...
1. " .....Amen."