Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!: I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?"

"Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn't be staying in this motel!"

A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out a blank form and wrote, "Woof. .woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof...
woof."
The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'woof' for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, . . . "that would be silly."

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?"
"Well" said the vet "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.
"Well," says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Just because he's cross-eyed?" say's the man.
The vet answers, "No, because he's heavy."

John: "Why are you so upset?"

Ted: "My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning."

John: "So what?"

Ted: "So she said to him, 'Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I've been telling you about'."

COMMUNICATION PROBLEM

A French guest who was staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!"

Grammar Lesson

Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Ellen: I is...
Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
Ellen: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience.

Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed."

"Just think, children," said the missionary, "in Africa there are six million square miles where little boys and girls have no Sunday School. Now, what should we all strive to save money for?"

"To go to Africa!"

Seated next to a blowhard at a United Nations dinner was an Oriental fellow dressed in the robes of one of the Far Eastern countries. The blowhard, attempting to make conversation, leaned over and said: "You like soupee?"

The Oriental fellow nodded his head.

You like steakee?"

The Oriental nodded again.

As it turned out, the guest speaker at the dinner was our Oriental friend who got up and delivered a beautiful 50-minute address on the United Nations' definition of "encouragement to self-reliance" by underdeveloped countries of the world. The speech was flawless in Oxford English.

He returned to his place at the head of the table, sat down, and turned to his dinner partner and said, "You like speechee?"

The cops had been ordered to clean the town up for a big parade. A drunk staggered towards a constable and said, "Excuse me, offisher... could you pleash tell me the time?"

The constable replied, "One o'clock," and whacked the drunk over the head with his baton.

"Cripes," said the drunk, "I'm glad I didn't ask him a frigging hour ago."