Jokes

An Interstate highway

It had been a quiet night at the local bar so far, but then the door was thrown open and an Interstate highway strode in. "I'm an Inter-state highway," he declared. "I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm afraid of no highway and no road."
He then strode up to the bar, ordered a beer, and began drinking it, while looking around.

A short time later, a four-lane highway came in, went to the end of the bar, and ordered a beer. The Interstate looked him over and walked over to him. "I'm an Interstate highway," he declared. "I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm not afraid of you."

The four-lane highway said "I agree that you're the best. I don't want any trouble with you. Let me buy you a beer", and he did. They drank their beers and discussed their engineering specifications.

After a half hour, the door opened again and a two-lane road came in, went to the other end of the bar, and ordered a beer. The Interstate looked him over and told the four-lane highway that he had to take care of the new arrival. He walked over to the two-lane road and said "I'm an Interstate highway. I stretch from coast to coast and have at least four lanes, shoulders, and a median almost my entire length. I have the highest speed limit of any highway. I'm the best of the highways, and I'm not afraid of you."

The two-lane road quivered a bit and said "You're absolutely right. You are the best of the highways. I'm just a lowly two-lane road. I don't want any trouble. Can I buy beers for you and the four-lane highway?"
The Interstate motioned the four-lane highway to come over, the two-lane road bought beers for each of them, and the three of them drank their beers and discussed the merits of various paving materials.

After another half hour, the door opened again and a strip of asphalt about eight feet wide came in. The Interstate highway ducked behind the bar and hid there quivering quietly. The bartender was shocked. After serving the asphalt strip, he walked over to where the Interstate was hiding. "I watched you stand up to the four-lane highway and the two-lane road. You said you weren't afraid of any highway or road. Why are you hiding from that little asphalt strip?"

The Interstate replied quietly, "It's true that I'm not afraid of any highway or road, but he's a cycle path."

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MARRIAGE DEFINITIONS

BACHELOR:
1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
2) A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
3) A man who never makes the same mistake once.
4) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
5) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
6) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.

BRIDE:
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

CAD:
A man who doesn't tell his wife that he's sterile until she's pregnant.

COMPROMISE:
An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT:
A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN:
1) A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
2) A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.

HOUSEWORK:
What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.

HUSBAND:
1) A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
2) A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife's permission to say so.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT:
A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

LOVE:
An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MISS:
A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.

MISTRESS:
Something between a mister and a mattress.

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

MRS.:
A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

SPOUSE:
Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.

WIFE:
A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.

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Päivitetty 19.10.2018 10:11
www.Jahuu.fi 2018