He's who?

One day Moses and Jesus thought they'd take in a game of golf. They decided they'd go down to Earth and play at a regular golf course.

The game was going fine until they came to hole 5. This hole had a small pond right in the middle of the fairway. This was Mose's hole to go first, so he took out his 7 iron and lobbed it just over the pond.

Jusus took out his 5 iron. Moses said 'You won't get over that with a 5." Bur Jusus persisted. He took a swing and the ball went plunk into the pond. Moses raised up his hands, the waters parted and he walked in and retreived Jesus's ball.

'Now try it again,' he said, 'but this time use a 7 iron.' But Jesus insisted he could get over this pond with a 5 iron. Another swing, 'plunk' into the pond again.

Moses raised his arms again, parted the waters, and walked in and retrieved Jesus's ball again. "Now please listen to me and use a 7 iron this time." Moses said.

But Jesus said, "No, Tiger Woods has played this course and he got over this pond with a 5 iron. If he can do it, I can do it."

Another mighty swing, and the ball went right into the pond again. This time Jesus insisted on retreiving his own ball. He steps onto the water and walks out to where his ball went in.

At this point another golfer goes riding by in his cart. He sees Jesus walking on the water and says, "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?"

Moses answers, "No, he thinks he's Tiger Woods."

+ + + + + + + +

There was an inmate on death row, and he was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the next morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him.

But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.

Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.

"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"

The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.

The inmate started..."One million bottles of beer on the wall......!"

+ + + + + + + +


1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead

12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death

14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

16. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

17. War Dims Hope for Peace

18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

20. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space

23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

25. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

26. Afghan Kurds Beat Off Russian Invaders.

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[Etusivu] [Jokes]

Päivitetty 19.10.2018 10:12 2023