Answering Machine Funnies
€ "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."|
€ "Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up."
€ "Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone."
€ "Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."
€ "This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."
€ "Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."
€ "If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."
€ "Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's YOU."
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York. She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras. She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras.
He said, "Ah'l go down raht now."
The saleslady welcomed, "May I help you sir?"
He answered, "Ah'd luv ta little lady but mah wife's a'waitin fur me up in the room."
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing.
To which the boy replied, "Yes he did, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us.