1. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
2. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
3. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
4. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
5. How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

The Italian Man's Visit

One day Ima go to New York to a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I want two piss toast. She branga me only wona piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand...I want two piss on my plate. She say you better not piss on the plate you sonna ma bitch! I dont even know the lady and sha calla me sonna ma bitch.

Later, I go to eat soma lunch at Emma's restaurant. The waitress bringa me a spoon ana knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tella me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch! I dont even know the lady and she calla me a sonna ma bitch.

So I go back to room inna hotel, and there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager ana tell him I wanna sheet. He tells me to go to the toilet. So I say you no understand, I wanna sheet on the bed. He says you better not sheet on the bed, you sonna sonna ma bitch. I dont even know the man ana he call me sonna ma bitch.

I go the the checkout and the man at the desk say peace to you...I say piss onna you too, you sonna ma bitch! :->

There was this guy who went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. First off the dentist said, "I'll give you a shot to numb your jaw."
But the guy said, "No, please don't do that, I'm afraid of needles."
The dentist said, "OK, I'll get out the gas to put you to sleep."
However the guy said, "Nope, I'm allergic to the gas."
So the dentist said, "Just a minute, I'll go look for something else."
After awhile he came back with a couple of pills.
The guy asked, "What kind of pills are those?"
The dentist said, "Viagra."
The guy said, "WHAT! Why these?"
The dentist said, "They won't help the pain, but they'll give you something to hang on to while I pull your damn tooth.

John and Sir

Sir is comfortably installed in an armchair in the library, reading a newspaper. Suddenly, John rips the door open and shouts: "Sir, the Thames is flooding the streets!"
Sir looks up calmly from the newspaper and says: "John, please. I have already told you. If you do have something important to tell me, first knock on the door, then enter and inform me, in a quiet and civilized manner, about the issue. Now please, do so".
John apologizes and closes the door behind him. Three seconds after, Sir hears a knock on the door.
"Yes?"
John partially enters the room, and with a wide gesture makes an invitation as for somebody on the outside to enter: "Sir, the Thames".

A Chef

What's the difference between a Cook and a Chef?
A Chef is a cook who swears in French...