Jokes

Smart man + smart woman

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Dumb man + smart woman = affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage

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Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

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A young couple got married & went on a cruise for their honeymoon. When they got back from the honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away. "Well, darling," said her mom, "How was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mother," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time! But, mother, as soon as we got home, Sam began using really horrible language. Stuff I'd never heard before. Really terrible 4-letter words. You've got to come get me and take me home. Please Mother!" And the new bride began to sob over the phone.

"But honey," the mother countered, "what 4-letter words?"

"I can't tell you, mother," said the daughter, "they're too awful! Come get me, please!!!"

"Darling daughter, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell mother the 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother, words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!!!"

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A duke is hunting in a forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he comes upon a tree. Archery targets are painted all over it, and smack in the middle of each is an arrow.

"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cries the duke. "I must find him."

After continuing through the forest for a few miles, he comes across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admits that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the centre of all the targets. "You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asks the duke worriedly.

"No my lord. I shot them from 100 paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy."

"That is truly astonishing," says the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service. But I must ask one favour in return. You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot."

"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree, and then I paint the target around it."

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Honey

A guy was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart,Pumpkin, etc. He was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy: "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names.

His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about ten years ago."

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A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else, whereas the other guys would only catch three or four a day. Sam would come in off the lake with a boat full. Stringer after stringer was always packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret.

The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe.

So the next morning the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done.

Sam's approach was simple. He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.

Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam. "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!"

Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words, "Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?"

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[Etusivu] [Jokes]

Päivitetty 19.10.2018 18:50
www.Jahuu.fi 2018