Brand new Grand Cherokee
A guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30,000+, and has $400.00+ in monthly payments. He's pretty proud of this rig, and gets a hold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two atomic Brains go to the lake with their guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the ice. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing to attract ducks-something the decoys will float on. Remember it's all ice, and in order to make a hole large enough to interest a flock of ducks - a hole big enough to entice ducks to land, they needed to use a little more than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40-Second fuse. Now to their credit, these two rocket scientists DID take into consideration that if they placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they (and the new Grand Cherokee) would be waiting, and ran back quickly, they would risk slipping on the ice as they ran from the imminent explosion, and could possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. After a little deliberation, they come up with lighting and THROWING the dynamite, which is what they end up doing. |
Remember a while back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns AND THE DOG???? Yes, the dog. The driver's pet Black Lab (used for retrieving-especially things thrown by the owner). You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice, reaching the stick of dynamite with the burning 40 second fuse about the time it hits the ice - all to the woe of the two idiots which are now yelling, stomping, waving arms and wondering what the heck to do now?! The dog is happy and now heads back toward the "hunters" with the stick of dynamite. I think we all can picture the ever-increasing concern on the part of the brain trust, as the loyal Labrador Retriever approaches. The Bozos now are REALLY waving their arms - yelling even louder and generally feeling kinda panicked. Now finally one of the guys decides to think - something that neither had done before this moment, grabs a shotgun and shoots the dog. This sounds worse than it really is, because the shotgun was loaded with bird shot and hardly effective enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog DID stop for a moment, slightly confused, but then continued on. Another shot, and this time the dog - still standing, became REALLY confused and of course scared. TOTALLY INSANE, the pooch takes off to find cover with a now extremely short fuse still burning on the stick of dynamite. The cover the dogs finds? Underneath the brand new Grand Cherokee worth 30-some thousand dollars, the $400.00+ monthly payment vehicle that is sitting nearby on the lake ice. BOOM!! Dog dies, vehicle sinks to bottom of lake, and these two "Co-Leaders of the Known Universe" are left standing there with this "I can't EVEN believe this happened to me" look on their faces.
Later, the owner of the vehicle calls his insurance company and is promptly informed that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT covered on his policy. He had yet to make his first car payment.
Three Hindus had died and they decided to go to the Christian heaven and see if it is what it's all cracked up to be. On arrival they where greeted by St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter upon seeing these soles wasn't sure if they were indeed true Christians. He asked them and they replied that they are true to the Christian faith. Upon further examinations of his registry, St. Peter couldn't fine them anywhere in his logs. To make things easier for all, St. Peter suggested that he would give them a test to see if they were Christians. He then took the first one aside and asked him what Easter meant to him.
"Easter is a very important holiday, everyone dresses in a scary costume and go to house to house and scare the occupants into giving up some food stuff, usually candy and apples."
Poof! And he was sent to Hindu heaven.
St. Peter then took the second one aside and asked: "what does Easter mean to you?"
The second one replied: "Easter is a very important Christian holiday. It is celebrated by decorating one's dwelling with brightly coloured lights to entice the landing of a jolly fat elf in his sled pulled by eight tiny reindeer to leave gifts under a tree".
Poof! And the Hindu was sent to his own heaven.
To the third he asked him the same question. "Easter is a most important of all the Christian holidays; it celebrates the crucifixion of a man for teaching peace and brotherhood. He dies on the cross and is buried and on the third day he arose and if he should see his shadow we all can expect six more weeks of inclement weather.
Two boajes decided to go into business together, so they pooled their money and bought a store in a nearby town. One boaj moved into an apartment above the store. His partner bought a house just outside of town.
One night the boaj outside of town couldn't sleep. Finally, he called his partner and asked him to look out the window to see if they had remembered to turn off the store's flashing neon sign.
The boaj looked out the window and said, "Yeah we did, no we didn't, yeah we did, no we didn't..."
Q: What do you call a 300 pound Italian girl?
Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"
Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."
Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?
Son: " 'Who threw the eraser at the principal?' "
Q. What's the similarity between a woman and a bank?
A. After withdrawal, you lose interest...