The Boy & The Soda Machine
While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy. She also had her seven-year-old son with her. Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, "Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?" |
"What do you say?" she asked.
Respectfully, the boy replied, "You're thin and beautiful."
So he got his soda money.
The blonde, the brunette, and the bull
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it very slow."
A Kindergarten teacher had a student approach her and saying that he found a frog lying still on the playground.
The teacher asked, "Well, is it dead or alive?"
The student said, "I think it's dead."
The teacher asked, "How do you know?"
The boy said, "I pissed in its ear".
The teacher said "YOU DID WHAT?"
He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said,'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."
My husband bought me a mood ring the other day.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead.
A blonde woman, a black woman and a hispanic woman were traveling across the country by jet. Half way through the trip, the pilot comes on the intercom and announces, "I have some bad news. We are having major engine trouble and a crash is inevitable, so please prepare yourself."
The blonde immediately opens her purse and frantically touches up her makeup. The hispanic woman say, "What are you doing? We're going to crash! We're not going to a party!"
The blonde answers, "I know, but I heard that they always save the beautiful people first in a crash."
The hispanic woman then goes through her purse and puts on every bit of jewelry she has and puts on the beautiful new sweater she was taking to her mother as a gift.
The black woman see this and asks, "Girl, are you crazy? What are you doing?"
The hispanic woman says, "I heard, that in a crash, they always look for the rich people first."
The black woman then jumps up and removes her skirt and panties. The other two women ask her what she is doing.
"I don't know where you two get your information, but when I see a plane crash on the news, the most important thing is finding the black box!"
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.