Once upon a time there was a very happy family consisting of a father, a mother, and a little boy. He was a sweet little boy, very unselfishalways giving to others. And when his birthday approached, his mother and father wanted to get him something he really wanted because they loved and appreciated him very much. So one day they approached him and asked him what he wanted.|
To which he replied, "I want a rarie."
"A rarie?" asked his parents. They had never heard of a rarie. "What is a rarie?" they asked.
The little boy told them that it was a very small, furry animal, a cute, cuddly pet that he had seen advertised on television. Well, the parents thought that a cute, cuddly pet would be an excellent gift for their son. They went to the local pet store and bought one. The boy was elated!
Well, the little rarie grew and grew and grew. He really grew! He got huge. And he got mean, too! Really mean! He bit people. He growled a lot. He was not a pleasant pet!
The family became very frustrated. Their happy little family unit was becoming very dysfunctional because of the hideous pet. They met together often to try to figure out what to do with it. Even the little boy didn't love the rarie any more. They plotted to kill it. They finally decided to push it off a cliff. But they didn't want anybody to think they were mean. So they decided to push it off a faraway cliff, where nobody would know. But where?
After much thought and discussion, they decided on Mount Everest because the rarie had gotten so big it would take a really big mountain to push him off of to kill him. They wanted to be sure they were rid of him forever. He was about to ruin their close little family! So off they flew. They took their hideous rarie up the mountain and pushed him off, to his death. And they lived happily ever after.
Even today, when people ask this family whether they should purchase a rarie or not, they reply no, you don't want to do that, you will just have to kill him when he grows up and gets mean, and ... it's a long, long, way to tip a rarie!
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?"
"That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks."
"But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks."
"You DO?" exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Later that afternoon, it was time to review what was learned that day. Miss Jones asked, "My name begins with the letter `M' and I pick up things.- What am I?"
A little boy in the front row said, "You're a mother."
Fisherman and the snake
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms.
Unknown Aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!".
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!"
Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
Was heard on a public transportation vehicle while in Orlando.
"When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.
If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."