The Boy & The Soda Machine
While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy. She also had her seven-year-old son with her.|
Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, "Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?"
"What do you say?" she asked.
Respectfully, the boy replied, "You're thin and beautiful."
So he got his soda money.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
A man goes to the White House and asks to see President Bush.
The Marine on duty tells the guy that Bush isn't President, please leave.
The man goes away.
The next day he comes back to the White House and asks to see President Bush. The marine on duty tells the guy that Bush is not the President, please go away. The man goes away.
The next day he comes back again, and again the same Marine is on duty. The man asks to see President Bush and the Marine says, -- WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING HERE ASKING FOR HIM? BUSH IS NOT THE PRESIDENT ANYMORE!!!
The man smiles happily and says, "I know, I just like hearing it."
A Boaj* was sitting on his porch, when this woman walked up with a pad and pencil in her hand.
"What can I do for you?" the Boaj asked. "You selling something?"
"No, sir, I'm not. I'm a Census Taker."
"A Census Taker. We're trying to find out how many people are in the United States."
"You're wasting your time here. I have no idea."
At the Barber Shop
Entering a barber shop for a shave, a man mentions to the barber that he has had some problems getting a close shave on his cheeks.
"I have just the thing," the barber told him. He fished around in a nearby drawer and handed the man a small wooden ball. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The man put the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeded to give him the closest shave he had ever received. Halfway through the experience, the man grunted to the barber, "But what if I swallow the ball?"
"Don't worry about it," the barber replied. "Just bring it back to me tomorrow like everyone else does."
National Weather Service
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really having an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"
The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."
So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find.
Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"