A guy is strolling down the street in Chicago where he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie. The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the guy replies "I've always wanted to be lucky."

The genie grants his wish.

So off the guy strolls, wondering how this will change his life, when he spies 10 dollars on the sidewalk. Not a bad start he thinks. As he picks it up, he notices an OTB betting shop across the road. He strolls over, looks through the racing lists, and sees a horse named Lucky Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at the Meadowlands. He puts the 10 dollars on the horse to win, and what do you know, the horse bolts in!

Feeling on a bit of a roll, he heads to the local illegal casino, fronts up at the roulette table and puts the whole 1010 dollars on "Lucky seven."

Round and round the wheel spins, and "bang!" - Lucky Seven!

Now he's really flying....what better way to celebrate than to head to the local brothel for a bit of horizontal folk dancing. He knocks and enters, when all of a sudden he is showered with streamers and handed a glass of champagne. The madame of the establishment puts her arm around him and says, "Welcome sir! We have much pleasure in informing you that you are our lucky 1000th customer, and you have won the right to enjoy the pleasures on offer from any girl who works here, absolutely free of charge."

The guy says that he's always fancied making it with an Indian girl.... so he's ushered into one of the rooms when in strolls the most gorgeous sub-continental he has ever seen.

Not much time passes before clothing is strewn around the room and the Karma Sutra (pp 101 to 532) is being well and truly tested.

At one point the guy pauses and says to the girl, "You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe how lucky I am. But there is one thing I don't really like about Indian women. I don't like that red spot that you all have on your forehead."

The Indian girl looks him in the eye and says, "Sir, I am here to please you and succumb to your every desire. If you wish to see it gone, then please scratch off my caste mark."

So the guy goes at it with his fingernail. All of a sudden he leans back and starts killing himself laughing.

"What's wrong, sir, what's wrong?!" asks the Indian girl.

The lucky guy, between chuckles, replies, "You're never going to believe this, but I've just won a car!"

+ + + + + + + +

John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants for Valentine's day.

"Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks.

"Not really," says Mary.

"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John.

"No," she responds.

"What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests.

She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks."

"Well what WOULD you like for Valentine's?" John asks.

"John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary.

"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," says John.

+ + + + + + + +

The tough businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The doc examined him and backed away, saying, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal."

"Could you give me a pen and paper?" said the businessman.

"Do you want to write your will?"

"No, I want to make a list of all the people I want to bite."

+ + + + + + + +

Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was near the end of winter and spring was just beginning. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco.

She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab.

So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money.

He said, "I vasn't goin' to send any money ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas..."

+ + + + + + + +

I heard that if you play the Windows 2000 CD-ROM backwards, you'll hear a satanic message.

But the most frightening thing is that if you play it forward, it installs Windows 2000.

+ + + + + + + +

[Etusivu] [Jokes]

Päivitetty 19.10.2018 19:21 2023