The Ticket |
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"Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. Betty complied, and the judge next day fined her twenty-five dollars. She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her checkbook, should learn of the incident. Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, ... "One pullover, $25." Three little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy says, "My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings." The second little boy pipes up, "Well, my Dad smokes, too, and can blow smoke out of his ears." The third little boy, not to be outdone responds, "My Dad can blow smoke out of his butt." "Really, have you seen it?" reply the boys. The third boy responds, "No, but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear." Rod burst into Todd's room to find him standing on a chair with a rope around his waist and the end of the rope around the ceiling beam. "Hey Todd, what do you think you're doing?" shouted Rod. "I'm committing suicide," replied Todd. "Well you're going about it all wrong," said Rod. "You're supposed to tie the rope around your neck, not our waist." "Man, but I tried that yesterday and I nearly choked." Two actors were in a bar discussing how terrible it was to be famous. "Last week, I was sitting in a restaurant, and people kept coming up and interrupting my lunch when all I wanted to do was get on with my meal like a normal person." "That's nothing. I was walking through the supermarket the other day and someone shouted 'Hey, there's that guy off the TV!'. I was stuck there signing autographs and talking to people for more than hour." "Wow." "Yeah, I won't shout out like that for a long while, I can tell you." The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "I don't want to hear that language in here again." After a moment, she thought she whispered aloud, "At least he doesn't know what it means." "I do, too," Johnny corrected. "It means the car won't start" A couple of drinking buddies, who were airplane mechanics, were in the hanger at Mascot in Sydney. It was fogged in and they had nothing to do. One said to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?" "Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel and that'll kinda give you a buzz." So, Bill and Bob drank jet fuel, get smashed and had a great time. The following morning, Bill woke up and figured his head would probably start pounding as soon as he stood up. But it didn't. He felt good. In fact, he felt great - no hangover! Bill's phone rang, it was Bob. Bob asked, "Hey, how do you feel?" "I feel great!" replied Bill. "I feel great too! You don't have a hangover?" "No. That jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover. We ought to do this more often!" "Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing..." "What's that?" "Did you fart yet?" "What?" "Did you fart yet?" "No..." "Well, don't, because I'm in Melbourne!"
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