Jokes

Loony Laws

Here are some real U.S. laws that are just crazy! And some are still on the books!

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In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted."

In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.

In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.

In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.

In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.

In Hartford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.

In Baltimore, it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second- story window within the city limits. It's also illegal to take a lion to the movies.

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

In Carrizozo, N.M., it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face).

In Pennsylvania it is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel... however up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.

In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

In Pennsylvania, "any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue."

In Kentucky, "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."

An amendment to the above legislation "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."

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Last Words

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation.

They are all asked the same question: "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest doctors of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I would like to hear them say...... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"

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Bring Me A Size 8

A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, "But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half."

"Just bring me a size eight!" the man replies.

The sales guy brings them and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain. He turns to the salesman and says, "I've lost my house to the I.R.S., I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, my business has filed Chapter 7, and my son just told me he was gay. The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off."

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An inflight announcement

A plane took off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Please sit back and relax." The Captain then shouted, "OH MY GOD!"

After a moment of silence, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of hot coffee and spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach piped up, "That's nothing! You should see the back of my pants."

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Päivitetty 19.10.2018 19:46
www.Jahuu.fi 2018