Jokes

Things You Should Know...

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
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If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to equal the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)
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The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)
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A Pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
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A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)
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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)
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The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!?")
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The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..... can you imagine???)
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The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
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Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life - quality over quantity.)
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Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)
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The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm.....)
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Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
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Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing.....)
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A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
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Star fish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)
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Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
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Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig???)

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Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas. When asked why he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

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A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1060 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2177 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"

One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said, "Professor you're 44."

The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"

The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's only half as crazy"

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A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they asked for a credit card number, so she's using the ATM "thingy".

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[Etusivu] [Jokes]

Päivitetty 19.10.2018 19:48
www.Jahuu.fi 2018