In days of Olde, three pilgrims (a Frenchman, a German, and a Pole) were traveling together and stopped at an inn, where only one bed was available for the three of them. They piled into the bed, and suddenly the Frenchman sneezed so loud and violently that he caused the other two to fall to the floor.|
Later the German sneezed to loud and violently that he, too, caused the other two to fall to the floor. So... they made a rule, if anybody is going to sneeze, he has to alert the others first.
Everyone was just about asleep when the Pole shouted, "ATTENTION!"
The Frenchman and the German dove under the cover, and the Pole continued..."I gotta fart!"
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache next morning."
When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of Human Resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The Human Resources Director agreed and told Peters that he would have the letter the very next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for seventeen years. When he left us, we were very satisfied."
What's My Name?
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What's your name?" he asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look....I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only ....Smith, Jones, Baker.... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is.... "
Two doctors are walking down the corridor of the hospital. The first doc asks, "Did you tell that lawyer in room 316 that he was going to die?"
"Sure did", the second one answers.
The first doc says, "Damn! I wanted to tell him!"
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"
Men vs. Women...
Man at the ATM
1) Park the car
2) Go to ATM
3) Insert card
4) Enter PIN
5) Take Money
6) Drive away
Woman at the ATM
1) Park the car
2) Check makeup
3) Turn off engine
4) Check makeup
5) Go to ATM
6) Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7) Insert card
8) Hit Cancel
9) Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10) Insert card
11) Enter PIN
12) Take cash
13) Go to car
14) Check makeup
15) Start car
16) Stop car
17) Run back to ATM
18) Take ATM card
19) Back to car
20) Check makeup
21) Start car
22) Check makeup
23) Drive for 1/2 mile
24) Release hand brake
25) Drive on