Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides on the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.|
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to get up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. She says, "What the heck's going on up here?" We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes from the second team looks up and says, "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER.
There were two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. "Yes, Yes, I will."
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.
With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart."
Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needin' ".
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then He added a mouth.
Ruined the whole damn thing.
"If you want to live forever," Fischel Farkes told his very rich cousin living in Haifa, "come to live in our little kibbutz."
"Is it THAT beautiful?"
"Beautiful? It's the ugliest town you ever saw in your whole life!"
"Well. is the CLIMATE that good?" asked the cousin.
"The climate is, without a doubt, absolutely terrible. Maybe the worst in Israel!"
"Then why in God's name do you urge me to live there?" The cousin spluttered.
Look at the statistics!" exclaimed Farkes. "Not ONCE has a rich man died here."
A guy from Brooklyn was in Hong Kong passing through the native quarter, and was surprised to see a synagogue. He went in and sure enough, he saw a Chinese rabbi and a Chinese congregation. The service was touching. As the service ended, the rabbi stood at the door greeting his congregants. When our Brooklyn friend came up, the Chinese rabbi said,...."You a Jew?"
"Yes, I'm Jewish," replied the Brooklynite.
"Funny," said the Chinese rabbi. "You don't look it."