Was she a blonde? |
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A naive young lass was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature". Her question was,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a minute or two and then asked, "Is it on or off?" Speeding ticket One of my friends got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a police officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial, and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket." The officer let him in. Well, isn't this nice! Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood (one of whom was from Texas) were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The first woman, who was not from Texas, said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me." The Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice??" The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive." Again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice??" The first woman boasted "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet." Yet again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice??" The first woman then asked her companion, "What did you husband buy for you when you had your first child?" The Texas lady replied "My husband sent me to charm school." "Charm school!", the first woman cried, "Land sakes, child, what on Earth for?" The Texas lady responded, "So that instead of saying who gives a crap?" I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that nice?'" MrsPerfesser was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure the old perfesser'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," MrsPerfesser's friend replied. "Normally, yes," said MrsPerfesser. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set." Pet teachings A man bought a kitten and tried to teach it to speak. Everyday for 6 years he teached it the alphabet, numbers & letters. For hours and hours he'd say to the cat: 'Repeat after me...'and then he would mention a word, or a sentence and was eagerly waiting for the cat to indeed repeat the spoken words, but alas: the only thing the cat did for those six years was looking back at his 'teacher', who for some reason never seemed to get frustrated at the lack of result. And then after six years, to the ultimate suprise, the cat said: 'Look out, the roof will come down'. Completely flabberghasted, the man stared at the cat, seconds before he was crushed by the falling roof. The cat shaked his head and said: 'Now for six years he tries to make me speak; after six years I decide to speak, and then..he won't listen! Golden Phones A man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intriguedwith a sign which read "$10,000 a minute." Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The Pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God. The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Atlanta, Greensboro, Chicago, Milwaukee, and all around the United States, he found more phones with the same sign, and the same answer from each pastor. Finally, he arrived in Texas. Upon entering a churchin Ft Worth, Texas, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 35 cents." Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a directline to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 35 cents a call. Why?" The pastor, smiling benignly, replied, "Son, you're in Texas now... it's a local call."
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