At the hospital

Two guys are in hospital beds next to each other.

One guy is covered with bandages from head to toe. The other guy asks him, "What do you do for a living?"

"I used to be a window washer."

"And you decided to give it up?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

"Oh, about halfway down."

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Mirrors

Mirrors don't talk ... and lucky for me they don't laugh either!

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FUNNY HALLOWEEN QUOTES

"I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween." -
Unknown Author

"A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween."
- Erma Bombeck

"There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin."
- Linus from 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown'

"Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special."
- Chris Rock

"Nothing on Earth is so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night."
- Steve Almond

"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."
- Rodney Dangerfield

"This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."
- Conan O'Brien

"Studio 54 made Halloween in Hollywood look like a PTA meeting."
- Lorna Luft

"Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day."
- Gwen Stefani

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Typical

A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?"

"No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."

As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male."

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Dear Diary

This morning at the Mall I bumped into an acquaintance whom I hadn't seen in years. After greeting each other in pleasant surprise, he told me, "Jesus, you haven't changed a bit in all these years!"

I was flattered by the confusion, but my uncompromisingly honest nature prevailed and I corrected him, "Actually, my name is Maurizio."

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V A C A T I O N

Dear Diary,

MrsPerfesser and I took a vacation, and what a hotel we stayed at! The towels were so big and fluffy, we could hardly close our suitcase!

- The Old Perfesser

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[Etusivu] [Jokes]

Päivitetty 28.10.2018 11:12
www.Jahuu.fi 2018